


and i love you

by purpleeyesandbowties



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: (sorry yall), Akmazian Must Cry In Every Fic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, M/M, Yeah that's it, akmazian doesn't believe he's worthy of love, which is a Thing in my writing i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 04:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7604221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleeyesandbowties/pseuds/purpleeyesandbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan is reading a book in his room when he realizes that he loves Akmazian. It isn’t a dramatic flash of knowledge or a lighting strike of truth. It’s a warm, soft glow that fills him up, bit by bit. <br/>Akmazian is on the other side of the room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and i love you

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i needed to finish one of my dozen WIPS and this was the one i chose. as always, im sadhipstercat on tumblr, come chat w me about rymaz (or anything else, im not picky)

Ryan is reading a book in his room when he realizes that he loves Akmazian. It isn’t a dramatic flash of knowledge or a lighting strike of truth. It’s a warm, soft glow that fills him up, bit by bit.

Akmazian is on the other side of the room.

 

An hour previously, he’d dropped in (literally, through the air vent in the corner—now with pillows stacked under it to make Akmazian’s frequent landings softer) and gave Ryan a kiss on the cheek as a hello.

Ryan had nodded absently and made some sort of grunt of acknowledgement. He was halfway through a murder mystery novel Levi had lent him and didn’t have the mental capacity to form words. The killer had just left a glaring clue on the victim’s body and Ryan was trying to figure out if it was a mistake, a red herring, or a red herring of a red herring. Akmazian had chuckled fondly, gently twisting Ryan’s wrist so he could see the cover of the book.

“Good choice, Doctor Dalias. If you’re really stumped, I’ll tell you how it ends.”

Ryan had grunted again in response and Akmazian had wandered off.

 

Now, almost a hundred pages deeper into the book, Ryan takes a moment to look up from the words on the page, blinking to refocus his eyes. He sees Akmazian quietly playing with Morpheus on his bed. Morpheus purrs happily at the attention, chasing and nipping Akmazian’s fingers.

“Hey now, none of that,” Akmazian mutters as Morpheus’s teeth manage to catch his pointer finger. He withdraws his fingers and picks up the cat.

“Bad and naughty kitties go into the strangle-holder to atone for their sins,” he says, carefully holding Morpheus close to his chest. Morpheus stops purring, looking very put-out. Akmazian grins and strokes the soft patch under Morpheus’ chin that always makes him melt into a happy pile of fur. His tail flicks back and forth and he starts up purring again, strangle-hold seemingly forgiven.

Ryan smiles, watching the scene, something warm emotion spreading through him. It’s something he hasn’t felt before, or at least not this strongly. It’s like happiness but more profound, like laughter turned into feeling, but with a strange edge of urgency to it. Whatever this is, he doesn’t want it to ever go away. He wants to hold on to it for as long as he can.

_I love him_ , Ryan thinks, and ah, yes, of course. What else could it be? He smiles to himself, one mystery solved, and goes back to his book.

An hour and a half later, he shuts the book. He sighs and cracks his neck.

“Did you finish?” Akmazian asks, cradling a sleeping Morpheus on one arm and doing a crossword puzzle with his free hand. He looks comfortable, sitting cross-legged on the floor, back against the bedside. Ryan feels a rush of content. _I love him._ He nods. “Good ending.”

They sit in comfortable silence for a moment. Ryan flips through the book again, not reading, just thinking. He should tell Akmazian, right? He would want to know.

“Do you want to get dinner?” Akmazian asks. At the same time, Ryan says, “I love you.”

“I was thinking we—wait, what did you say?”

“I love you,” Ryan repeats, louder this time. Akmazian blinks three times in quick succession. He blinks again.  Ryan is about to repeat it when Akmazian’s face crumples.

“Fuck, you’re crying!”

Akmazian shakes his head. He stares at his lap, tears landing on Morpheus’ fur. Morpheus stirs, stretches, and slinks off somewhere, throwing a disgusted glance at Akmazian. Ryan doesn’t pay attention to the cat. He slowly approaches Akmazian. The warm feeling is gone, replaced with a hard ball of anxiety that sits sickly in his stomach. What if he miscalculated? He thinks Akmazian loves him; he said he had a few times before. Ryan had never said it back, because he had never been ready to. Now that he was, maybe Akmazian had changed his mind. Voice soft, Ryan says, “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I’m….”

Akmazian gives up on words. He holds out his arms instead, and this, at least, Ryan understands. Ryan walks across the room, sits down and curls into Akmazian’s lap. His cheek presses against Akmazian’s chest, hearing the steady thump of his heart. It’s faster than usual and his breaths are coming in short bursts.

“I don’t want you to cry,” Ryan mumbles, and he feels Akmazian’s chest rise in a small, wet chuckle.

“Sorry, darlin. Give me a moment.”

Ryan nods, burrowing closer to his boyfriend. He feels safe and secure here, Akmazian’s arms around him, his scent and breath and heartbeat filling Ryan’s lungs, his ears, his heart. He wonders how he could have ever doubted loving Akmazian, when touching him feels like coming home. He wonders why it took him so long to realize it.

Akmazian chuckles again. “You’re thinkin’ out loud again, love.”

Ryan sits up, dislodging himself enough to brush a strand of hair from Akmazian’s face. Akmazian catches his hand and presses it against his lips.

“Your love is too good for a man like me, darlin. I don’t deserve it. Hell, I don’t deserve _you_. And that’s the honest truth.”

“Akmazian….”

“Hush, I’m trying to say something. I’m—” Akmazian clears his throat. Ryan wordlessly presses a kiss to his jaw.

“Darlin’, that’s just what I mean. I ain’t never thought I was good enough for love. I always thought you’d abandon ship before you got around to lovin’ me back.”

“I’m not,” Ryan says fiercely. “I’m not going to abandon ship. Akmazian, I love you. I—I wish you didn’t feel like you didn’t—you _do_ deserve love, Akmazian. You do. No matter what you did, no matter what they blamed you for, you deserve love.”

Akmazian’s head drops down, his forehead resting on Ryan’s shoulder. He doesn’t speak for a long time. When he looks up, his eyes are bloodshot but hopeful.

“Say it again. Make me believe it.”

Deliberately, Ryan places a hand on Akmazian’s cheek. The other curls around his neck. Their noses bump.

“I love you,” Ryan whispers. He presses a feather-light kiss on the edge of his mouth. “I love you,” he repeats. “I’m sorry that it took so long.”

More tears well up in Akmazian’s eyes. He kisses Ryan, long and slow. It’s somehow both cautious and reassuring. Slowly, the kiss grows more heated, Ryan trying to say everything that words cannot. He kisses Akmazian like he has something to prove—and he does. 

\--

Later, when they’re laying on the bed, curled up together, skin pressed against skin as close as they can possibly be, Ryan says, “Do you believe me now?”

Akmazian huffs a quick laugh. “Darlin, I don’t know how I could have even doubted you.”

 

 


End file.
